Tuesday, December 2, 2008

vamp up

i can't wait for this movie to come out
fans of step up and twilight will go nuts for this flick
Abram (Stephen Winston) is upset when his brother doesn't return from a Dance Off in the big city. After weeks of searching for him at various Dance competitions he starts putting stories together about a Crew called the "Heart B eats." They are number 1 in the dance circuit and rumours of them beating other Crews so badly they never show their faces again interest Abram into finding any defeated Crews. When he begins to think his search is in vain he stumbles upon a dark secret, that the "Heart B eats" are actually a Crew of vampires. He puts together a Crew of family members of the dancers murdered and they battle their way to the top of the Circuit to compete in one final battle!

i like twilight but i don't like real life monsters

i saw a real life monster yesterday while riding the 20 to the beach
a face attacked by herpes
offering the father across from him to "let your kid sit on my dick"
he coughed up phlem and when the door wouldn't open up for him he just spit on the floor
the bus driver seemed to not notice but i think he was fearful for our lives
i know i was
and i knew immediately that i did not want this guy existing in my world
i hope he died today

Monday, November 17, 2008

let those flurries come

there is snow coming
i hear it on the news
but i know it in my heart!!!
come on
i am so hateful this fall
i need to change that but i'm not making any resolutions
this is the exact kind of post i do not want to post
this is so livejournal

i dreamed of stuffed animals with bat heads and cardinal bodies
and i dreamed up some lottery numbers as well
i need to make and play
play and make

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

to beard or not to beard

following in the footsteps of ms aeb
i decided to obey the fortune cookie
not really the fortune
but the "learn to speak chinese" word
gua lian

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

business homos go outdoors

i love state parks and unfortunately i don't mind segways
however when the two are thrown together
on my lovely fall jog
i want to puke just a little bit

Friday, September 26, 2008

driving walking on 9

i walked around my neighborhood tonight for no less than 8 hours.....which seems like a long time to be just walking and stuff...but in the right company
it's just the right amount of time

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

a thing about getting older

if you sit by me on the bus....and you stink like you may have shit your pants...i'm fucking getting up and moving...i don't care if your feelings get hurt

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


it sounds like a fun word
pogonophobia is the fear of beards
which also sounds fun
fear of beards
yesterday i encountered my first ever pogonophobic
her husband...who had a goatee(which i am more grossed out than fearful of)
ordered some stuff from my work
he wasn't sure how many so he starts yelling to his wife
who is standing a good 60 feet away
i say "why doesn't your wife just come over here?"
and he replies "she has a thing for beards"
my head gets a lil big because i'm thinking he's saying "she thinks beards are hot
and they make her nervous"
so i laugh it off
then he keeps yelling to her and i'm like " come on just get her over here"
and he says "no she's really weird about beards"
"weird" gets me because it's not an attractive word
so i ask "what do you mean?"
and he says "she's deathly afraid of beards"
i laugh then realize he's not kidding
and i point out his lame facial hair and he says " i know i know..but a full beard
she can't get near it"
so i wave to her
and she waves back and i offer him one coarse red beard hair to take to her
to sneak in her pocket
he does not accept
and i say "take care"

Monday, August 25, 2008

walking around the locker room naked haikus

walk around naked
towel covering penis
showing old man butts

water from fountain
white towel and whiter ass
come on man, really?

walk to urinal
you make it look so easy
nothing to unzip

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


when i was a little kid i loved my barber
and i mean loved
where some kids might cry and wine and struggle
like they're going to the doctor or their first day of school
i gladly hopped in the big green car
and smiled the whole 2 miles to the beachfront where mr gray had his shop
he was a really old man
gray hair on head, knuckles and in ears
and wore spectacles (opposed to glasses which sound too young for what they were)
and he was always smiling ear to ear
he'd hug me i'd hug him he'd hug my mom
and then he'd pick me up and zoom me into the red airplane kids seat in the front window
that looked out to a prehistoric themed miniature golf course
he and my mom would talk and i would just sit
waiting to for the moment i could look in the mirror and smile as wide as mr gray
only with fewer teeth
and then after he'd zoom me out of the airplane seat he'd give me some candy
never just one piece and always the good stuff
rich people at halloween candy
not the gross clumped hard candy that littered my family's coffee table my entire childhood
and then it'd be a goodbye hug and a jump back in the big green car
and back home
and neatly groomed
and this is how it was for many years

and then one day i got in the big green car
seatbelt and smile on
and we started driving
but we didn't make the turn we needed to
to get to mr gray
and i panicked a little
and questioned my mom
and she didn't respond
and we parked at a little shop next to a mcdonalds and my mom opened my door
and lead me into someone elses barber shop
this shop was nothing like mr grays
it was full of junk
literally junk
garbage hung on the wall pretending to be art
something that looked like a flattened beehive dangled from a single bent nail barely keeping itself in the ceiling
newspapers and old books were scattered not just on the table
but on the floor as well
it smelled like my neighbors van (which i used to play in because it had a cb radio)
of heavy aftershave and stale cigarettes
and then there she was
her real name never made it to my vocabulary
a small chinese woman...well short not small
hefty and much older than mr gray
she walked hunched over like a t rex or a pregnant woman with back pains
her glasses were at least an inch thick
and her hands were filthier than mine on even my funnest days
i had to leave
i turned into that kid
that crying and screaming and begging to leave kid
"where is mr gray" i spat out in between sobs
"i don't want her to touch me"
and my mother corrected me "don't be rude" and the lady just watched on
and brushed away some hairs from the seat and motioned me to come over
i did
i listened to my mom
she had never failed me before
but now everything was about to change
if the shop itself smelled like death
then this woman smelled like death's stinkier friend that he hangs out with to make him smell better
she shuffled around me
dragging papers and empty soda cans under her feet
scissors never stopping
caution flying with my hairs out the door
and as quick as she started she stopped
and my mom paid up
and we were outside
without me ever catching a glance at my new do
my mom took me to the mcdonalds next door to buy me a hot fudge sundae
which she figured would help the blow not be so harsh
when she let it be known to me that mr gray was dead
and not only was he dead
but he had committed suicide
and it was a new word and new feelings
and then i rubbed my head
and started to cry

my haircut felt awful

in time my mom continued bringing my brother and i to the lady who we named
the butcher
she had a way of cutting the back of your hair to a point
that felt like it cut you when you rubbed it
time after time we fought our mom
"she digs in the trash, she smells like roadkill please don't take us there!"
but the price was right and ice cream sundaes were right next door so the hate wouldn't last beyond the parking lot
my mom finally stopped taking us to the butcher when one early morning while at the beach my mom herself witnessed the butcher literally digging in a trashcan
that guilt got us the big stuff
dairy queen

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

things i really think about

i opened up a dog and cat hospital
it's called pooch pooch ki ki
business has been pretty slow so far
but i did get a five pound bag of hershey kisses for xmas
and i know where all the popular dog parks are

so things should be working out pretty soon