inatent

2011-01-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

Ten miles on the treadmill, I lay on the mat and stretch out, arms fully extended, eyes tightly shut, breathing slowing down and a hand slips into my open palm....this is the love I dream of

2009-08-19T09:34:00.001-07:00

Don't like dream blogs much these days but i can't resist last night's. I was in a parking lot and it was raining. I saw a drenched dog and started calling him...slowly he inched closer and closer and then an old man saw me and grabbed my hand. My finger nail scratched a bump on his fragile skin. He said"why are you here?"i responded that i needed to go to care-a-lot and safeway. He told me no one cares enough and there are no safeways.

pets i've had in my life

2009-08-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

in the trailer park a puppy that lasted a week before some neighborhood hoodlum stole him (apparently that story is a lie...i just asked my mom what the dog's, who got stolen name was...and she said he didn't get stolen, he bit the neighbors kid who poked him so we gave her to sunshine (our native american neighbor) who was going to new york, to prevent him from being taken from animal control

then we had jose...a black mutt who jumped up and bit my mom in the face one day...she responded with a fist to his face and a call to animal control

sebastian was my first ever cat...we went to florida for xmas vacation and when we came home he had moved to a neighbors house

stick em' up...he was our only big dog...and golden retriever mutt mix...my friend seth gave him to us because his family was moving...but really i think it's because he peed everywhere and chewed everything! my mom's shitty boyfriend renamed him shithead (which he continued renaming every animal we ever had for the next 7 years!) and one day my mom and i took him to the beach to try and lose him...fucked up i know...but in the end he was waiting at the car for us and ready to go home...i don't remember how we got rid of him

stew and rusty....stew was a rabbit rusty was a guinea pig...apparently stew was starving rusty but we didn't notice until it was too late...i couldn't look at stew after that without missing rusty so we gave him to some kid down the street

fred and wilma....they were already named....two guinea pigs which i made a small fortune off of! guinea pig babies get you like 5 bucks a head at a pet shop! they made too much noise at night and after a year of the house not sleeping we gave up on them too

2 iguanas....i can't remember their names but one of them tried to jump out one time and i grabbed her by her tail...she left in my hand i almost threw up! she was missing for a few weeks before she finally came out and i had to force feed her applesauce for a month because she had mouth rot....after she got better i gave them away

houdini/bandit...a ferret we couldn't decide his name so he got two! he got out of any cage we ever got so eventually we just let him run free and the house always smelled like warm pee....he died and it was really hard for the family

zucko.....my favorite cat ever! big and black and lovable. he had a tumor and died after like five years

woody...she's our longest lasting pet...cat...she's been around since 94 and she only likes three people, my mom, my brother and myself...my brother found her by a dumpster at a 711 on his way to woodstock part 2 or 3?

shaggy....he's our lovable pound puppy westy, i'd get him tattooed!

2009-07-20T18:23:00.001-07:00

I'd rather walk to the end of the block with you than travel the world alone

2009-07-09T23:20:00.001-07:00

yesterday s.carter head butted my mother...full frontal lobe attack. it all started with a possibly reversed trip to and from north carolina and ended with my poor mother being violently benny hilled with s.carter's nogger...how bizarre

croon

2009-06-23T13:35:00.001-07:00

My mom met her first husband at a dance club in brooklyn....she"knew" immediately. Steve Gavin...in their wedding picture he looks just like my brother only more crooner looking. Sally, who would eventally be my mom, and Steve owned 2 pet stores and 3 children. At some point in their relationship they also owned a monkey and lost dozens of domesticated pigeons on a rooftop in new york.

oh humans

2009-06-23T13:22:00.001-07:00

3 people in the last 3 days have confided in me that they are lonely....and always have been...and only one of those times was me talking to myself

commune

2009-06-22T19:21:00.001-07:00

Last night i helped a man in need who another friend earlier tried to help as well... I like community

henly

2009-06-22T12:54:00.001-07:00

I've cut the collar off of 2 shirts now....it used to be sleeves in summer but ever since i've grown fond of v-necks i feel like the proper amount of skin is already exposed. I must be having a claustrophobic wardrobe episode...sure it has nothing to to do with my pantry dwelling.

2009-06-21T14:42:00.001-07:00

Just set up texting blog. Chilling with my mom, dog and cat for father's day.....gotta work with what you got. Some thoughts lately are the possible purchase of a honda rukus scooter and possibly camping in idaho in august. Ok let's see if i set this up right

in a tent in a pantry

2009-06-15T23:28:00.000-07:00

my living space has gone from one extreme to the other in the last 4 months
and i've never felt quite as comfortable as i do now
i'm living the life of a rehabilitated drunkard without actually having to the live the shit life of losing everything and everyone
today i looked into buying scooter and my questions to the dealer sounded so rehab patient "so..i don't need a license with this one? and no need for insurance" he was so sure i had a dui or something that he stated that unless i paid cash i probably wouldn't get financed by honda with "just ok" credit

sorry livejournal

2009-01-20T23:50:00.000-08:00

when i read my old journal i get annoyed by how many dreams i talked about... so i try to stay away from that these days..but i have to talk about this one i had lately
i was in a penthouse in newyork and i had a bowl(for smoking) that had at least 7 chambers in it
there were all kinds of pretty colored leaves crammed into them
i lit each chamber and then puffed out of the single mouth piece
looked out my window and saw an elderly couple across the way having sex
i looked at my bowl and saw that it was beautifully hand blown glass with all kinds of colors mostly hues of blue
and the glowing effect of all the lit leaves and blues of the glass and the naked elderly love makers
made me ecstatic

and now for the first time in my life

2009-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

a picture of my dad...i think we kinda look alike..but just in the way all fat people kinda look like...kinda downsyndrome effect

science project

2009-01-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

11 alcoholic beverages
15 smooched lips

the new year is here
the new and the old me are welcoming it with
too many flushes of the toilet

vamp up

2008-12-02T20:41:00.001-08:00

i can't wait for this movie to come out
VAMP UP
fans of step up and twilight will go nuts for this flick
Abram (Stephen Winston) is upset when his brother doesn't return from a Dance Off in the big city. After weeks of searching for him at various Dance competitions he starts putting stories together about a Crew called the "Heart B eats." They are number 1 in the dance circuit and rumours of them beating other Crews so badly they never show their faces again interest Abram into finding any defeated Crews. When he begins to think his search is in vain he stumbles upon a dark secret, that the "Heart B eats" are actually a Crew of vampires. He puts together a Crew of family members of the dancers murdered and they battle their way to the top of the Circuit to compete in one final battle!

i like twilight but i don't like real life monsters

2008-12-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

i saw a real life monster yesterday while riding the 20 to the beach
a face attacked by herpes
offering the father across from him to "let your kid sit on my dick"
he coughed up phlem and when the door wouldn't open up for him he just spit on the floor
the bus driver seemed to not notice but i think he was fearful for our lives
i know i was
and i knew immediately that i did not want this guy existing in my world
i hope he died today

let those flurries come

2008-11-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

there is snow coming
i hear it on the news
but i know it in my heart!!!
come on
i am so hateful this fall
i need to change that but i'm not making any resolutions
this is the exact kind of post i do not want to post
this is so livejournal

i dreamed of stuffed animals with bat heads and cardinal bodies
and i dreamed up some lottery numbers as well
i need to make and play
play and make

to beard or not to beard

2008-11-12T18:58:00.000-08:00

following in the footsteps of ms aeb
i decided to obey the fortune cookie
not really the fortune
but the "learn to speak chinese" word
gua lian

business homos go outdoors

2008-10-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

i love state parks and unfortunately i don't mind segways
however when the two are thrown together
on my lovely fall jog
i want to puke just a little bit

driving walking on 9

2008-09-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

i walked around my neighborhood tonight for no less than 8 hours.....which seems like a long time to be just walking and stuff...but in the right company
it's just the right amount of time

a thing about getting older

2008-09-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

if you sit by me on the bus....and you stink like you may have shit your pants...i'm fucking getting up and moving...i don't care if your feelings get hurt

pogonophobia!

2008-09-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

it sounds like a fun word
pogonophobia is the fear of beards
which also sounds fun
fear of beards
yesterday i encountered my first ever pogonophobic
her husband...who had a goatee(which i am more grossed out than fearful of)
ordered some stuff from my work
he wasn't sure how many so he starts yelling to his wife
who is standing a good 60 feet away
i say "why doesn't your wife just come over here?"
and he replies "she has a thing for beards"
my head gets a lil big because i'm thinking he's saying "she thinks beards are hot
and they make her nervous"
so i laugh it off
then he keeps yelling to her and i'm like " come on just get her over here"
and he says "no she's really weird about beards"
"weird" gets me because it's not an attractive word
so i ask "what do you mean?"
and he says "she's deathly afraid of beards"
i laugh then realize he's not kidding
and i point out his lame facial hair and he says " i know i know..but a full beard
she can't get near it"
so i wave to her
and she waves back and i offer him one coarse red beard hair to take to her
to sneak in her pocket
he does not accept
and i say "take care"

walking around the locker room naked haikus

2008-08-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

walk around naked
towel covering penis
showing old man butts

water from fountain
white towel and whiter ass
come on man, really?

walk to urinal
you make it look so easy
nothing to unzip

bloodlet

2008-08-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

when i was a little kid i loved my barber
mr.gray
and i mean loved
where some kids might cry and wine and struggle
like they're going to the doctor or their first day of school
i gladly hopped in the big green car
and smiled the whole 2 miles to the beachfront where mr gray had his shop
he was a really old man
gray hair on head, knuckles and in ears
and wore spectacles (opposed to glasses which sound too young for what they were)
and he was always smiling ear to ear
he'd hug me i'd hug him he'd hug my mom
and then he'd pick me up and zoom me into the red airplane kids seat in the front window
that looked out to a prehistoric themed miniature golf course
he and my mom would talk and i would just sit
smitten
waiting to for the moment i could look in the mirror and smile as wide as mr gray
only with fewer teeth
and then after he'd zoom me out of the airplane seat he'd give me some candy
never just one piece and always the good stuff
rich people at halloween candy
not the gross clumped hard candy that littered my family's coffee table my entire childhood
chocolates
and then it'd be a goodbye hug and a jump back in the big green car
and back home
happy
and neatly groomed
and this is how it was for many years

and then one day i got in the big green car
seatbelt and smile on
and we started driving
but we didn't make the turn we needed to
to get to mr gray
and i panicked a little
and questioned my mom
and she didn't respond
and we parked at a little shop next to a mcdonalds and my mom opened my door
and lead me into someone elses barber shop
this shop was nothing like mr grays
it was full of junk
literally junk
garbage hung on the wall pretending to be art
something that looked like a flattened beehive dangled from a single bent nail barely keeping itself in the ceiling
newspapers and old books were scattered not just on the table
but on the floor as well
it smelled like my neighbors van (which i used to play in because it had a cb radio)
of heavy aftershave and stale cigarettes
and then there she was
her real name never made it to my vocabulary
a small chinese woman...well short not small
hefty and much older than mr gray
she walked hunched over like a t rex or a pregnant woman with back pains
her glasses were at least an inch thick
and her hands were filthier than mine on even my funnest days
i had to leave
i turned into that kid
that crying and screaming and begging to leave kid
"where is mr gray" i spat out in between sobs
"i don't want her to touch me"
and my mother corrected me "don't be rude" and the lady just watched on
and brushed away some hairs from the seat and motioned me to come over
i did
i listened to my mom
she had never failed me before
but now everything was about to change
if the shop itself smelled like death
then this woman smelled like death's stinkier friend that he hangs out with to make him smell better
she shuffled around me
dragging papers and empty soda cans under her feet
scissors never stopping
caution flying with my hairs out the door
and as quick as she started she stopped
and my mom paid up
and we were outside
without me ever catching a glance at my new do
my mom took me to the mcdonalds next door to buy me a hot fudge sundae
which she figured would help the blow not be so harsh
when she let it be known to me that mr gray was dead
and not only was he dead
but he had committed suicide
and it was a new word and new feelings
and then i rubbed my head
and started to cry

my haircut felt awful

in time my mom continued bringing my brother and i to the lady who we named
the butcher
she had a way of cutting the back of your hair to a point
that felt like it cut you when you rubbed it
time after time we fought our mom
"she digs in the trash, she smells like roadkill please don't take us there!"
but the price was right and ice cream sundaes were right next door so the hate wouldn't last beyond the parking lot
my mom finally stopped taking us to the butcher when one early morning while at the beach my mom herself witnessed the butcher literally digging in a trashcan
that guilt got us the big stuff
dairy queen

things i really think about

2008-01-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

i opened up a dog and cat hospital
it's called pooch pooch ki ki
business has been pretty slow so far
but i did get a five pound bag of hershey kisses for xmas
and i know where all the popular dog parks are

so things should be working out pretty soon

you said it

2007-10-08T15:37:00.001-07:00

today i made the mean butch librarian
say the word
"foreskin"
this made me very happy

one day i'll be i'll be

2007-10-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

while driving away from a good time i saw an elderly man with a rolling walker walking down the sidewalk as i drove further i saw an elderly woman with a rolling walker walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the man with a rolling walker i made a call to good time and told her what i saw she text messaged me minutes later to tell me that the two walk assisted elderly walkers were now talking to one another and i invisioned a slow motion love scene of the two rolling walking through a field of flowers to stop and jump and catch their breaths every now and then until the the wheels of the rolling walkers touched at the same minute as their lips locked

you really walk for 48 hours

2007-08-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

last night and into this morning
i dreamt and continued reminding myself in other dreams
of future earth
a two day theme park event
there's a huge room where the orientation goes on and then you
trek across all the continents and witness where they are headed
the first and most beautiful thing was the morning of the first sunrise
chemicals and what not had changed the sun into a bright purple ball
making daytime look like a night club
and water was solid black....look at the ocean, a lake, even a pool and it looked like a bottomless pit

a is a fist

2007-08-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes when i'm riding the train i like to act like i'm deaf...
but when i say act...i'm a little more serious then not talking...i've read the books..i've gotten some phrases down....i fake the deaf voice and say "sorry i'm deaf" really loud
i've also started buying those dollar "learn to sign" cards off the homeless liars who fake deafness half as good as i....
they'll try to sell it to you....and then if you refuse you can usually catch them "motherfuckering" you under their breath
and it's not that i'm antisocial....all the time...i'm just situationally antisocial....and if you ride the train daily you quickly realize that somehow you must disassociate yourself from 98percent of these folks
but today...i was called out
well actually signed out
you see a lady saw that i was reading the recent harry potter as she sat down beside me....
immediately she started talking about how the last one was much more superior and all kinds of shit i don't care about
*when acting deaf though you never look up right away
so i let her ramble for a few minutes...and when i'm flipping the page i look up and look at her lips and yell...."sorry i'm deaf" while motioning the cut throat point to my ears
then like the average moron she apologizes profusely and way too loudly.
but then this cute dirty blonde haired girl with a full sleeve tattoo looks at me and signs something really quick
the only words i get out of it are "you are"
and i sign "sorry, what?"
and she starts spelling out...a liar, but she's smiling and obviously not offended..maybe just curious?
and suddenly i'm very curious too
i sign "good job" and then begin the tedious spelling out of paragraphs about my temporary train deafness
she smiles alot...but does little laughing....which i've read is taught to the hearing impaired from a young age , not to make too much noise because it scares the hearing world...which i find fucked up
i mean some people have horrible voices..and laughs to match them anyways
and she teaches me a few good phrases for the next time i'm called out..like "fuck you, mind your own business"
which i say to her repeatedly when she starts asking me about my job and stuff...and it's all in fun and she gets it
and then i get something before my stop
and that's the cute deaf girl's blackberry digits

selfish

2007-08-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

there is a super power i wish for on the daily basis
the power of turning into any person...just long enough to be equal enough with them to punch them in their face

good thing i know some things about asl

2007-07-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

there is a custodian where i work..his name is donald...but i only know that because of his name tag.....he told me..but he seriously sounds like a man with marbles in his mouth
a constant drunk
but i'm not sure he drinks
he likes to talk and he kind of reminds me of what my dad might've been like if i ever knew him from a distance
donald was out for a week
turns out he was in icu for his blood pressure
deciphering mostly what i could read from his lips he can no longer eat mixed meats
mixed meats include but are not limited to....
hot dogs
bologna
pimento loaf
bacon
salami

"now what the fuck am i supposed to eat? i might as well have died in the hospital"
direct quote from the lips of donald

i heard everytime she farts she poops a little bit

2007-07-26T18:44:00.000-07:00

my newest late night adventure has been 24 hour gym
there are many rad aspects to 24 hour gym
-they have cable
-i can grunt loudly because there is usually no one else around
-there's a constant spookiness of "is someone outside the door looking in?"
-it's a mere 3 minute skateboard trip
-i can wake up from wack dreams and head on over there
-i can shower and fantasize of late night romances that have yet to occur

last night my favorite gregg araki movie "nowhere" came on ..and i burned way too many late night calories watching it
because of the combination movie/workout some crazy all night dreams ensued.... involving dirty ladies underwear and halloween costume lines with t.s. elliott quotes